July 18th, 2021
Buckle Up Buttercup! We're On The Code To Greatness. Enjoy The Ride.
If life has ever thrown you on the floor hugging your knees, shaking uncontrollably, arms going numb, unable to breath, in the throes of a severe panic attack, know that you aren’t alone.
I have been there.
I have felt every skin prickling nightmare of this myself more times than I would like to admit and more times than I should have allowed in my life. Thankfully through therapy, advocates, my support systems and finally setting boundaries and goals for my life any panic I have today is a minor blip or singular goosebump in comparison to the panic attack episodes of 2016 and prior.
In short I have been through some shit, seen some shit, and strive to no longer give space to the shit.
In 2020; like a lot of pandemic crazed shut-ins, I binged on introspection.
I cried, I laughed, I learned.
I was also reminded of one of my favorite poems I had pasted into an old sketchbook and am pretty sure used on my MySpace profile at some point called The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost. I’ll post below for a frame of reference.
This poem sums up my last 20+ years when I look at it through a lense of negativity and also serves as a positive lense to guide my next chapters. This is my literal interpretation of the poem and not the actual joke it was meant to be.
I have taken the road less traveled by.
This is often due to—despite my best efforts to listen to the damn GPS I miss my exit, or circa 2000’s trying to navigate 20 pages of printed directions from mapquest and stopping at 3 gas stations along the way to ask for help. As well as my complete and utter inability to set boundaries for the better part of my life.
But in the less literal sense...
Through a negative lense I chose to see that the bad things happening in my life were outside of my control. I chose the wrong road and I just kept barreling forward into the void and letting life happen to me instead of being an enthusiastic participant.
I stepped in dog shit, well that's just my luck.
I stayed in shitty relationships, shitty jobs, and allowed shitty people into my life. Par for the course.
And… and… and… insert your shitty shit here ______. You get the point!
Taking the road less traveled by has shaped who I have become and who I have yet to be. I am on a journey of radical self discovery and personal development. I strongly urge you to do an audit of your life and use it to become an enthusiastic participant, set boundaries, set goals, and practice the proverbial self care.
I eventually learned that I am 100% responsible for my life. Life is a series of choices you make. This is a fact that is not always easy to accept or put into practice.
For simplicity sake, I stepped in dog shit because I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings!
Which leads me to why I am writing this in the first place.
I am a work in progress forging my new path as an enthusiastic participant in my life.
I was able to find my passions for digital marketing and web development while going through some of the worst moments of my life. I think of code as my road and my path to greatness and also as in a code of ethics to live by. I changed my life's trajectory by finally not settling, standing up for myself, and making huge shifts in how I show up.
Being on the code to greatness means I intend to show up for myself, my daughter, and other women who need to learn how to show up for themselves. You can be an enthusiastic participant in your life now or you can just continue to be a bystander and watch it pass you by.
It's never too late to find your code to greatness. Whether you need to reboot your career, leave an unhealthy relationship or just learn to love yourself more just know that you aren't alone on your journey.
Buckle up buttercup, and enjoy the ride!
The Road Not Taken
By Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.